November 3, 2022
Dear Peace Families,
There’s an uncomfortable conversation that many parents dread having with their kids, and it’s one that is usually put off until they’re forced to have it—talking about death.
We all die. It’s a fact of life, and it unites all of us in our common humanity. Yet it can sometimes seem taboo, as if avoiding the discussion will make it less likely to happen. But no matter how far we try to run away from death, let alone talking about it, it always catches up with us.
This weekend we will celebrate—yes, celebrate—All Saints Sunday. It is a day in which we remember all of the saints—past, present, and future. As Lutherans, we have a unique understanding of sainthood. While Catholics venerate exceptional individuals who have performed miracles or done amazing things with their lives, we Lutherans believe that every person is a saint.
It’s in the waters of baptism that we are sealed by the Spirit and sustained by the Savior—“For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.” We are all saints, in life and in death, simply because God loves us all eternally.
So this weekend, I invite you to light a candle in remembrance of your beloved saints who have died, giving thanks for their life and time shared with you. And to celebrate the baptisms of your family members, and rejoice those who have been baptized in the last year.
And, as you approach conversations regarding death, consider these suggestions:
- Be honest about a loved one’s death, and name it explicitly. Abstract phrases are harder for them to understand.
- Consider their age. These conversations will likely happen over a range of time as you help them process, and may be significantly different depending on their maturity level.
- Share your emotions. You don’t need to “be strong.” By being honest about your own emotions, you are helping your kids build their own emotional literacy and ability to handle grief. It is normal and healthy to be sad and to cry.
- Avoid common myths like “everything happens for a reason,” “God wanted another angel,” and other harmful, untrue phrases. God is with us in our suffering—God does not cause it.
- Remember that death doesn’t eliminate joy. You can laugh with your family as you share beloved memories and remember significant events. That laughter can be healing, and both the tears and the laughs are reminders of how important that person was to you.
- And lastly, don’t give up hope. This weekend, as we read off the names of loved ones who have died and those who have been recently baptized, we are reminded of the constant cycle of death and resurrection. God is with us in our life, in our death, and in our new life in heaven. Our grief is real, valid, and needs to be felt. But through Jesus, it does not have the last word.
Grace and Peace,
Joe
PS. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who hosted a trunk and participated in this year’s Trunk or Treat! It was an amazing event yet again, with thanks to each of you. Scroll down for pictures, contest winners, and an extended note of gratitude.
Family Tip Of The Week
Share memories with your family of loved ones who have died. Be honest about your emotions when remembering them—both the grief of missing them, and the joy of their life lived.